Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. ~ Matthew 18:21-22
77? That’s a lot. And what is forgiveness anyway?
I’m working through forgiveness with something in my life right now. Forgiveness is one of the most obscure concepts within Christianity. It’s easy to give the trite definition of “forgiveness is letting go of holding an offense or a grudge.” And while that’s right, just like anything else in life, we tend to add to that because we like rules. We like to know how things work so that we know we’re doing all right.
The same people who have given me that definition of forgiveness then go on to say that if I truly forgive, then I need to basically live as if the offense never happened.
But it did happen. And to live as if it didn’t is to live under a mask. I can pretend the hurt didn’t happen for all eternity, or until my willpower gives out, while shriveling within my skin. “Living as if it never happened” is an external behavior and has nothing to do with actually rebuilding what was lost. With this definition, we’re equating forgiveness with trust – though those same people will defend themselves quickly and say that’s not what they mean. But really, living like it didn’t happen means I also have to fake trust without taking the time to actually work through the offense and get to the heart of the matter.
When Christ forgives us, He doesn’t “live as if sin never happened.” If forgiveness were that simple, then the cross was not necessary. Christ didn’t pretend sin didn’t happen; He suffered HARD CORE to bring us forgiveness. And His suffering certainly didn’t instantly return the world to a pre-sin state. Instead, big picture, humanity has been through the pain of sin, has been offered forgiveness, and in the end of the book of Revelation, we will live in a more perfect peace that was possible in Genesis 2 because we know the sweetness of perfect forgiveness.
Ephesians 4:32 says to “forgive one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” The Greek there makes it an equal comparison: καθως και. Either one of those words could be translated “as,” but the combination of the two emphasizes the connection. God forgave us, and we are to forgive in the same way.
Does God’s forgiveness equal trust? No. If it did, then we’d have no need for the Holy Spirit. If God could trust us 100% post-cross, then He wouldn’t have needed to send the Holy Spirit to guide the Church for the last 2,000 years, because the people within the church could have done it alone. I think God intentionally created things this way so that we’d have to rely on Him in order to have any chance of getting things right.
No, forgiveness is not the same as trust. Building trust is a process, something that can be earned or lost with our peers without changing the status of forgiveness. The Bible says in many places that we are to be quick to forgive but it never mentions being quick to trust.
If forgiveness is something that can be done in an instant, like Christ on the cross, then we circle back to “forgiveness is letting go.” It’s a decision to not enact revenge. But just as “living like it never happened” is an outward behavior, not enacting revenge is also an outward behavior. Christ’s forgiveness saved us from the Father’s wrath. But if that were it, we’d still be empty without the grace God gives us to live fully.
Christianity is not behavior modification. Christ is aiming for a heart change. Forgiveness begins at the heart level. The behavior follows. We make the decision to forgive each other, so that we can live with the peace, joy, and love Christ offers. With an attitude of forgiveness, we can dwell in God’s grace.
So as I’m working through forgiveness with someone who has wronged me, perhaps it’s selfish of me to choose forgiveness solely because I want to live in God’s grace. I choose to forgive so that I can keep my focus where it should be: on God. Trust is something else and depends on multiple people, but I can do my part and turn my eyes back to God.
Forgiveness is about our relationship with God. We can’t keep our eyes on Him and also seek revenge or mentally relive an offense. Whether trust is ever reestablished or not, I choose forgiveness, because holding a grudge isn’t worth sacrificing a single moment with Christ.