Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. ~Ephesians 6:4
The Bible has a lot to say about raising a child. Ever notice how most of it deals with the relationship between fathers and their children?
Even as I type that, my mind goes straight to Proverbs 31 – the chapter about a wife who is praised for her ability to both work hard and raise her children well. There’s really not much specific instruction given to mothers alone. Most parenting principles are pulled from verses about fathers.
And no, this verse isn’t gender-neutral. God really does mean to say “fathers” here.
What kind of responsibility are dads given? They are to teach their children the ways of the Lord.
What do we do when that formula falls through? I know so many people who are in situations where their husbands are either absent physically or spiritually. In those cases, we apply this verse to mothers as well.
It’s up to the parents to teach their kids the ways of the Lord, and to discipline them in a way that does not lead to anger.
Whose responsibility is it? The parents. Not the church or the school or the community…or “the village.” It’s up to the parents.
As someone who has spent years working with children, I’d advocate that the most successful students are those whose parents partnered with the teachers and worked with their children at home. Learning the ways of the Lord is not a passive thing. It’s vital that we are constantly modeling God’s ways to them.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9, an important passage in the Jewish tradition, the same tradition in which our Lord was raised, makes it clear that we are to talk about the “instruction of the Lord” every time we sit, stand, walk, go to bed, rise in the morning…basically always.
If it’s really that important that the PARENTS are the ones leading the instruction of their own children, then every Sunday when we get home from church, it’s important to ask what they learned about. I’m so thankful to belong to a church where we have a fantastic children’s program. My first grader can usually recite the entire lesson verbatim.
But now that we know he was listening, it’s our job to ask questions to help him really understand what he learned.
God doesn’t hold “the village” accountable. In fact, that concept never appears in Scripture. Instead, He holds parents accountable for making sure their children learn His truth. (Whether or not they choose to obey God’s truth is an individual decision, but it’s up to us to give our children every opportunity possible.)